


Ask the Hungry Bug

by RainPuddles



Category: Dorohedoro
Genre: Bad Cooking, Chaos, Cooking Lessons, Depends on your interpretation tbh, Drunk Texting, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Pining, chat fic, drunk cooking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26687047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainPuddles/pseuds/RainPuddles
Summary: AskTheHungryBug: Kaiman, is that you?AskTheHungryBug: Are you drunk?xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: YEAH ITS MExX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ALAO MAYBE A LITTLELOTxX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ANYWYA I HAVE A QUESTIONA chat fic in which Nikaido helps a definitely-not-drunk Kaiman prepare food. Predictably, chaos ensues.
Relationships: Kaiman & Nikaido (Dorohedoro)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Ask the Hungry Bug

**Author's Note:**

> Given that Kaiman is terrible at cooking, the rain makes Nikaido miserable, and Kaiman has tried to cheer Nikaido up via his cooking at least once, I had no choice but to write this.

< xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx has logged in! >

AskTheHungryBug: Hi! Welcome to the Hungry Bug chatroom, here to answer all of your questions about the hungry bug diner.  
AskTheHungryBug: How can we serve you?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: HEY WATS UP  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: YOURE NOT A MAGIC USER RIHT  
AskTheHungryBug: Who is this?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: CUZ LIK NIKAIDO AND I DEFFINITELEY GOTA KILL U  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: *BECAUSE  
AskTheHungryBug: Kaiman?  
AskTheHungryBug: Kaiman, is that you?  
AskTheHungryBug: Are you drunk?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: YEAH ITS ME  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ALAO MAYBE A LITTLELOT  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ANYWYA I HAVE A QUESTION  
AskTheHungryBug: Sure thing! Could you turn off caps lock first, though?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: OH SHIT  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: SORRY I CANT SEE THE SCREERN VERY WELL WITH THIS MASK ON  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: is that better  
AskTheHungryBug: That's great, Kaiman. Thank you.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: no probs  
AskTheHungryBug: What's your question?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ok so like you knoww Nikaido right  
AskTheHungryBug: …  
AskTheHungryBug: Kaiman, you're aware that the Hungry Bug has only a single worker, right?  
AskTheHungryBug: A worker that does everything, including running this chatroom?  
AskTheHungryBug: A worker that owns the restaurant?  
AskTheHungryBug: A worker whose name is Nikaido?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ok so you do know her then  
_AskTheHungryBug is typing..._  
AskTheHungryBug: …  
AskTheHungryBug: Yes, Kaiman, I know Nikaido.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ok great  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: so Nikaido feels sick when it rains right  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xs: like it is today  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: and thats bbad  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: SO I WAD THINKIN  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: if I mak her food  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: shell feel better  
AskTheHungryBug: That's so sweet, Kaiman!  
AskTheHungryBug: You really don't have to do that, though. I'm sure she already knows how much you care.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: no I gotta  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: gotta make her food  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: her food always makes me feel better so igotta amake her feaal bettter  
AskTheHungryBug: Fair enough.  
AskTheHungryBug: Do you have access to a kitchen?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: yea but ive only used it likeonce  
AskTheHungryBug: Are you sure that you want to do this now?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: yeah I got this  
AskTheHungryBug: What sort of cooking supplies do you have available?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: I got some bread I thnk  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: mushnros  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: not much beer anymoar  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: also some greenstuff idk what it is  
AskTheHungryBug: What do you mean by, “Green stuff?”  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: hmmmm  
AskTheHungryBug: Kaiman?  
AskTheHungryBug: What kind of green stuff are you talking about, Kaiman?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: I think I could make stew  
_AskTheHungryBug is typing..._  
AskTheHungryBug: Stew sounds like a good idea!  
AskTheHungryBug: So what you're going to want to do is get a big pot. Can you do that for me?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ok  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ok got pot  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: whered I putmhknife  
AskTheHungryBug: You left it next to your bed, Kaiman.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: thanks  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ursmart  
AskTheHungryBug: :)  
AskTheHungryBug: Next, you're going to want to chop things up before you throw them into the pot.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: chop chop chop chop chop chop  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: chop chop chop  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: chop chop chpo  
AskTheHungryBug: Hahahahaha!  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: whyare you laguhing?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: dont laugh at me  
AskTheHungryBug: I'm not laughing at you, Kaiman!  
AskTheHungryBug: You just make me smile, that's all.  
AskTheHungryBug: Ready for the next step?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: yeah, these green things are chopped GOOD  
AskTheHungryBug: Ok. Just put some water in the pot, then put it on the stove and let it simmer.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: got it  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: OH NO  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: THE POT STARTED ON FIRE WHAT OD I DO  
AskTheHungryBug: It what?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: ITS SPREADING  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: COUNTER  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AskTheHungryBug: Kaimain?  
AskTheHungryBug: Kaiman, what's going on?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: adddddjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj  
AskTheHungryBug: Don't make me come over there.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: asdf;klj  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: askldflkjllklklllllll  
AskTheHungryBug: Are you ok?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: k I think it's out now  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: I threw the pot into my neighbors open window so im safe at least  
AskTheHungryBug: Good thinking!  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: fuck  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: im sorry  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: imessed this all up  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: im not an amazing cook like she is  
AskTheHungryBug: It's ok, Kaiman. You did your best.  
AskTheHungryBug: You can probably order her some pizza, and she would be very happy.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: shes not gonna know though  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: shes not gona know how hard I worked  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: shes important  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: shes really good  
AskTheHungryBug: You can always tell her that.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: I wanted to show it though  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: thru food  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: show her how awesome I think she is thru fooda  
AskTheHungryBug: Like I said before, Kaiman, I think she already knows.  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: are you sure?  
xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx: oh fuck oh no the neighbors at the door GOTTA GO

< xX_FuckSorcerers_Xx has logged out! >

AskTheHungryBug: Positive.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Drunk cooking rarely goes this well irl.


End file.
